She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
