im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
