We're facebook friends in real life
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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