apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
smell my finger.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
