Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
