I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
