Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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