I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if only i could text you this smell
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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