I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
