Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
