Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
