Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
