My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
