you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
