I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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