you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
