I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
