So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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