I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
