Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
