he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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