guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
