no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
