Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
