I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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