Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
