i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
