I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
