Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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