I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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