I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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