I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
