I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My vagina just recognized that song.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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