Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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