I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
