How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
