I want to make a zoo with you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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