i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
