My first STD was from a foam party
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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