my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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