I hate your face
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
