If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
