I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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