Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
