i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
