My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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