he shaved USA in his pubs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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