you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
