Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
