best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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