who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
