you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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