The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
