He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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