I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
