Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
