Yo dont text me then not text me
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
