I want to stick my p in your. b.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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