clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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