dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
